me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
They have beer where we have blood.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
