so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Just cropdusted the office
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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