hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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