To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
