My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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