I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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