I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
