Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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