On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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