i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
