Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
