Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
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