He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
