I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
