This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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