im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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