ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
