I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
