The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
