if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
