Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
We had to coat check the pizza.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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