I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
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