i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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