Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
