oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
