I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
