remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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