i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
