please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
