I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
