he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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