Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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