If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
