yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
