I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
