I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
