What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
