Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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