Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
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