listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
