I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Randomize
