im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
