He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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