I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
