well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
