You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
