she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
