your thong is hanging out like whoa
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
