my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
