Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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