from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
